A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.  Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table.  He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked.  Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.  His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says,

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk."

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase it's sales so the owner put up a sign saying.  "Free Sex with Fill-up"

Soon a local "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him pick a number from (1) to (10), if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The buyer then guessed (8), the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was (7).  Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up, again he asked for his free sex.  The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed (2) this time, again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3).  You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't Billy Ray, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

The surgeon told a patient about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be tuned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful - the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:

First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."