A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "$250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "How much?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again"

Claude and Maude Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community. They met in the social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite his age Claude was still a charmer and things went well. Afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitant, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow of the magical moment they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts: Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle." Maude was thinking, "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."

One day, Thibodeaux sit down to eat next to Boudreaux when Boudreaux pull out dis long round plastic ting out his lunch box. Thibodeaux say, "Man, Boudreaux, what dat is you got?" He tell Thiboudeaux, "Dat's someting new dey come out wit. It what you call a Termis Bottle." So Thibodeaux ask, "A Termis Bottle, what dat do?" Boudreaux say, "Man, you put someting hot in it an it keep it hot. You put somting cold an it keep it cold." Thibodeaux reply, "What dey gonna tink of next. What you got in dat Termis Bottle?" Boudreaux say, "A cup of gumbo an two Popsicles".

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with a room full of other patients. Here's the way one old guy handled it. An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today ?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not ? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with, the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes ?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir ?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in laughter.