A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, pours a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!"

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons; so. he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "No, I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?" The blonde responded, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio. So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. "What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?" "Well," began the! blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the ceiling fan."

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.

I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to
make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air.

She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon
her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and
saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a BLONDE (?),
gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"