in our lives. We won't get beyond our emotions without going through them~the beginning point, but not the goal.
Not dealing with them the danger is they become a force using us, rather than truthful emotions.. We can transform them
into harmless past truths. This is the honest place to begin our forgiving process. Emotions will surely follow, and this is ok. It's going to
be a journey through emotions up and down, anger, and feelings. But we can do it, with God's help.
it on your beds and be silent"
on your anger, and do not make room for the devil"
room for the devil, and more awful consequences in our lives. We make a decision to deal with the past wrong, and the emotions
attached to it. We enter the process, anger surfaces, then slowly releases us. It is very dangerous to allow hurt to take on a life
of its own, as this will cause us to be victimized and abused over and over and over, and if that happens, our hurt begins to define us.
The choice to forgive is replacing hurt and anger, and perhaps a sense of helplessness, with the joy of God's love, which
helps us to give and forgive. We have freedom to forgive, and the desire to do so by God's love working in us. Only the
strong can forgive, and God forgives the best, with depth shown in His unending forgiveness of us, and with love our
Lord shows, by the unfailing strength of His love. As we grow closer to God, doing His work, we shall
become more forgiving. We can change our minds, and have the mind of God~we take a risk, that maybe God's perspective
can replace our anger and hurt. We need then to forgive, not only as God desires, but for our own peace.
not resolve as fast as we would like. This takes work, a decided work, and choice to make this process a success for you,
and the other person even if they don't realize the process has begun. Alongwith the many suggestions in this section of
missionhands, I have a few more ideas that might assist you in a forgiving situation.
Using the list method in the Sept article of the missionhands newsletter, or any guide that you feel good about, seat the person one at a
time (persons-if more than one) in a chair opposite you. Tell them all the hurt and all the pain you have suffered, both at
the time of the wrong and since. Take your time, and speak all that the Holy Spirit brings to your mind regarding this one
person, and the wrong. This is good for persons still alive, or deceased. Remembering that you are forgiven for all, without
being in a chair~past, present, and future~set the person free by forgiving. Do it verbally, out loud. As you set them free,
you also will be made free.
Note: It can be unwise to forgive actually face to face, especially if the person has not made any attempt to seek your forgiveness,
as it can cause the person to feel put down ; and the idea of forgiving is to restore them, as well as yourself.
A put down defeats that idea, so then confronting a person with forgiveness who has not asked for it can cause more
problems then it solves, perhaps resulting in both of you feeling worse. Rarely will these be pleasant encounters. And, as
God forgave us long before we asked, so we do the same, from our hearts.
Until you are able to work this out, clear this up, your relationship with God is not complete. Cleaning this all up will make it
so that your relationship is tolerable with the person who hurt you, at least that is the idea of forgiveness, and it being final,
even if total restoration is not possible of the realtionship. Prayer can help heal your damaged emotions. Release the person
from their debt to you, thus releasing your anger, resentment, and bitterness attached, and God will step into heal what needs
to be healed within you. That is a promise. You do not have to go this alone. Speak it out~"you are forgiven and free".
and no further debt is needed..
To be sure that you never have to think about this incident again, decide that when your process is done, complete, and all
the parts needed have been done by you, this will be the end. Decide that you will take whatever time you need with each
person, and will work it until it is final, done. Then release, and begin to live in freedom.
Go into your process with God at your side. Pray and ask Him to show you how to get through it, and to help you recover,
and heal your damaged feelings. This is really all the useful help you will need. With confidence, have hope to move forward,
knowing that even hard times, and sufferings can be the foundation for future gifts and works of God in you.
see how we can apply that love to those who have hurt us. God does not wait to forgive, nor should we.
Examining our emotions, dealing with the pain that may resurface, and deciding on a total and final forgiveness is the only
way to free us from the event, and allow God to start the healing. Resentment and bitterness will block God's healing, and
have no place in the Christlike heart.
Try to find the reasons it is hard to forgive, and see if anything can be changed, with work. If we examine ourselves, maybe
we see pride or selfishness within us~this needs some tough work. Always we need to forgive because it is right, and not
wait for the person to come on their knees to us. They may never, and we should not want to put them down by such an action
on their part. It is not necessary. We still must forgive, and it is better for them, and us, if they never have to beg~God does not
ask us to beg. We can do it God's way.
Forgiveness is an act of the will, a choice we make. After you think about why you maybe could not forgive, and have resolved
to a degree those inner issues as discussed above, have a look at some thoughts, summarizing most of what has been said
above and on all the pages, as to how to put your desired forgiveness, and resulting freedom, into action.
**We have been totally forgiven, and our debt is paid**
but the life he lives, he lives to God"
pay ourselves. Realizing this, it becomes easy to extend the same to others. It is being ungrateful for what God did for us, not
to forgive others. We cannot refuse others. People can be transformed. Your forgiveness just might bring the person who
wronged you close to God. Give God the freedom, through your actions, to transform your enemy also. God's love is the
whole basis in all this.
**Release the person from the debt**
Release them mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically, from what you feel is owed to you. Perhaps you can justify
their actions, due to their own life circumstances, but that is not the same as forgiving them. If you see why they did as
they did, have you forgiven them? No. Understanding the whys is a part of the forgiveness process~only a part.
**Accept others, and their faults**
People do not have to meet your expectations. It is not your job to fix anyone, ship them into shape sort of speak.
All people are different and react to life, or cause life events, in different ways. No matter where you move, always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself. Guess what~ God made us this way !! That was His plan.
**See forgiveness as helping you to grow**
You can learn and understand the grace of God each time you forgive. Perhaps the event is a necessary step to get you where
God wants you to be in life. This has been true for me, as was for Joseph..
Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good,
in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today."
more generous to all~a heart like Christ. That's a good result from any harmful event, if our ultimate goal is to live as Christ did.
**Try to restore the realtionship**
Try to establish contact. We must do what we can to restore relationship with those who hurt us. When we get to the stage
that our forgiveness has met all we have talked about in "Forgiveness" @ ststephenmissionhands, the reconciliation will
be easier for you. You may find that the release, the freedom from bondage makes you so at peace, you can't wait to see the person
after a time. Old feelings surface, you acknowledge and hand them to Christ, with joy for His taking them, then let them go
now and forever. It is finished, totally, and finally.
Amen
to prev page
Opening page
~Forgiveness~
