Forgiveness continued...

It is essential that we come to God, confessing our sins, to restore us to a fellowship and an intimacy with Him, our God~
we have already been forgiven, by the death on the cross. At the moment we realize our sin, we thank God for showing us,
assume responsibility, thus agreeing we have sinned, and thank Him for our freedom from this sin by the cross of Jesus,
then go in confidence that all is right with us and God, accepting our forgiveness and His good grace towards us.
We must also forgive others, as He does us, or the loss of our relationship of forgiveness, and access to the Lord in prayer
will be the cost. This is not our salvation, if we believe. It is worse. It is the loss of intimacy with our God.

"For if you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you;
but if you do not forgive others, niether will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

In forgiving others, we take on the loss, and free them from bondage to us, releasing them from their debt If we keep an unforgiving spirit, we are in bondage with the person, a kind of
prison of emotions and expectations, and ultimately our lives will come down in hurt, sadness, and resentment, filled with
tension, pressure, and stress; as well as, we are risking a seperation of intimacy with God. Not forgiving is against all Jesus
stands for, and this displeases God. The awful consequence of this is most costly. But, remember that forgiving is not denying the hurt,
emotional as well as mental, and trying to make it so counteracts the forgiving process, what we are trying to do in the name of Jesus.
It would be like denying a part of us. If we deny the hurt, then it's not real, and we won't forgive from the heart.

Maybe looking at some problems as to why we find it hard to forgive, and to deal with an unforgiving spirit will help.

could be the result of selfishness
You have been hurt, and it was very unfair to you. What happened was their fault, so you will wait until forgiveness is asked
by them, while your turning inward, and your concern is for your feelings and rights. This is selfish, because you could make it ok by taking
the first step with you and the other, to set you both free, instead of waiting for the world to come, and make the first move.

could be the result of pride
Pride in a heart is a major stumbler to forgiving. Perhaps it might appear you are weak, after what they did to me .
This is the major component to the getting revenge, getting back at them idea. But this actually
destroys you, because you are trying to take on the work of Christ, given solely to Him. Christ is the Judge, and in time
those who have hurt you will pay by God's just and fair penalties. Meanwhile, you are to forgive. Not forgiving is judging.

"Why do you pass jugement on your brother or sister? Or you,
why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will
all stand before the judgement seat of God"..vs 10

"Let us therefore no longer pass judgement on one another, but resolve
instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another..vs 13 Romans 14:10,13

could be the result of low self esteem
If a person feels insignificant, like he/she does not matter, one way to have significance is in the hurt suffered. Then, the
unfair wrong can become a focal point for all other life events. This gives validity, with a story to tell about their hurt, making
them the center of sympathy and empathy. Now all this can become essential to the person's identity. To forgive would end
all that, and any excuses for seeking sympathy would be gone, as well as the lack of diligence and discipline. Carrying the
hurt around could carry on all through life. Unknowingly perhaps, the wrong could become as a part of a person, and be
brought up from time to time, when needing attention. This means that it has not been put in the past. This is not how God
wants us to be. Learning that true, eternal identity is in the realtionship with Christ will save much sad living in the past, and
allow to enjoy these present days, and future days

could be you think you already have forgiven enough
If, in the past, you were wronged, and said later, " I forgive ______" and meant it from the heart, but still act uncomfortable
around that person, or show evidence emotionally or verbally that it is still there, then the situation has not totally been
resolved in your life. The forgiveness is not complete, final as God's is to us. There are ways to help with this later
in this section, as well as in Sept in the missionhands newsletter

could be because it is too painful
When getting ready to forgive, the wrong is thought about in preparation, and possible unpleasant emotions can rise up.
If it was a deep hurt, that has been supressed for a while to push away the hurt, allowing the re-surfacing, totally necessary
at times, can cause people to decide not to bother to forgive. Accept by faith that this pain is all worth while, to be set free,
and to reinforce your intimate realtionship with God. I tell you that the hurting will lead to healing~that is God's way.

know that time does not heal wounds
The old cliche does not work, and is a serious misinformation to pass onto anyone whom you might be counseling from
a serious hurt. Such as in a death for example, time will lessen the effects felt about that death, but will never lessen the
sense of loss from the death. Allowing much time to pass when forgiving also has a bad effect on the situation. It can make
it worse, and thus harder to forgive. All the days, months, or years you wait the wound is festering, and becoming more
infected every day. As it does, you might add distortions to it, turning it into more than it was, awful as it was. Go through
your forgiveness process as soon as possible, dealing with any resentment and bitterness as it surfaces right away, or as
soon as you can. It actually will be less painful, then if time distorted pains are added.

could be you don't know how to forgive
Not knowing actually what to do, or how to begin the forgiving process will delay your freedom from the emotional bondage, bondage to the
person, and their release from an emotional prison, which will destroy you, and them, in the long run. To be set free to forgive,
resulting in peace, there are steps to do.

Here are some ideas. Hopefully, some of these might help, and for you to
forgive yourself, if needed. These are only suggestions that I have gathered~always use
what works best for you. Also see Sept in the missionhands newsletter






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